Tuesday, July 13, 2004

I need a scrolling marquee on my car

If you've ever driven with me, you've heard my theory/desire for a scrolling marquee (like a stock-ticker) to wrap around my car so that I can display to the other drivers in question my rants or raves re: their technique. Usually, to be honest, it's a rant, but I also would love to salute those rare individuals who take their heads OUT of their asses before beginning to drive.

For instance, on Saturday when it took me FIVE HOURS to drive to Virginia Beach, when it normally takes me less than 3 hours. I got behind every vacationing/Maryland/huge cap on the truck/SUV/on the cell phone/going 55 in the left lane/cutting me off and then doing a slow pass/I've never been here but find that not a good enough reason to look at a map and figure it out ahead of time/just plain TOO STUPID TO LIVE motherf**ker who took to the roads. I was positively seething by the time I sat for HALF AN HOUR waiting to get through the Hampton Roads Tunnel, to the point where I text-messaged a buddy whose a fellow auto-phile and excellent driver saying something to the effect of "I would shoot every last person on the road right now if I had a gun." In retrospect the vehemence of the violent thought shames me a bit but I am firm in my conviction that we issue drivers licenses with far too much abandon. You don't have to drive fast; I understand that isn't for everyone. Just PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF HOLY CHRIST drive **SMART**. Efficiently. With some small thought for the others on the road. Or I WILL CUT YOU.

Fortunately after all that I had 2 1/2 days of doing absolutely nothing besides lounging by my sister's pool to help me calm down. That and many beers. I heart beer. But you knew that already.


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