Wednesday, November 03, 2004


I feel very tired right now. The kind of fatigue that goes to your bones when there is an emotional, intellectual issue that challenges your reason and your faith. Thinking about what went wrong makes me deeply weary.

I know it isn't over, that it's close, and that we (I) shouldn't give up entirely right now (and I won't). And I didn't expect this to be a walk-away victory...I anticipated a long, drawn-out conclusion. But that is part of what has me feeling so blue this morning. Because whatever happens, this nation is fractured. We are split nearly clean-down-the-middle between the two camps. If Kerry wins I feel that he will do all he can to build consensus and a coalition and to try and meet his opposition as close to half-way as he can. But I do not have that same confidence in Bush. I feel--based on, um, the last four years of watching him act this way--that he will totally ignore his detractors, his devil's advocates, and anyone who does not side with him wholly and blow sunshine up his ass when things clearly don't go according to his [or Cheney's or Jesus'] plan. If he wins, especially with a GOP House AND Senate behind him, the divisions will only get worse, and half of the country will sink deeper into rancor and (worse) apathy.

I had such high hopes for many issues in this election--not least of which was voter turnout. New voters, more minority voters, and more young voters were all touted to be on the rise. It seems the first two came to fruition but I am SO ANGRY that the last did not. I don't understand where this disconnect comes from. I don't understand why people don't fall all over themselves to vote. I am also so sad over how many states' citizenry voted to ban same sex marriage. I feel like that is legislating--setting down indelibly on paper--hatred and discrimination and prejudice and willful misunderstanding. Do you really not have more pressing issues in your home town/state that require more urgent attention than whether 2 people who love each other and want to commit should be left alone to do so?

How can so many be so blind?
I won't lie...I'm worried, and a little scared.

On a side note, thank you to Clarence and Jonathan and Desiree and Bryan for hosting election night parties. It helped immeasurably, if it had to go down like this, to at least get the news in the company of friends. If I had room, I'd invite you guys over in return, but in lieu of that, I'll happily coordinate all the nights out of drowning our sorrows that any of you feel we require.



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