Saturday, December 04, 2004

Jesus. is. PISSED.

Friday night I went to a charity concert at Catholic University, at the Shrine of the Holy Basilica of the Immaculate Kitchen of Our Lady of Permanent Carpal Tunnel E Pluribus Unum. My dear friend Susie (who sings like an angel!) was performing with one of the many professional groups that are lucky to have her talents. Her group, plus two from Catholic U., performed various Christmas songs--all of the classical or carol variety; no Feliz Navidad, sadly--to raise money for So Others Might Eat and to begin officially the holiday season for the church, the school, and most of the audience. I know up until last night I hadn't felt like it was Christmas yet, despite having my decorations up at home. I'm not sure what it is; it's not a bah humbug thing. I just don't feel assaulted and surrounded by Christmas like I usually do by this time of year. But whatever.

The concert was great, IMO. Susie swears that someone in her group effed up with both hands, but having no idea what to listen for, I couldn't tell the difference and just enjoyed the sounds and, um, sights. The first sight being the poor woman in front of me who, soon after she sat down, announced to her friend that she was REALLY SICK BUT IT SHOULD BE A GREAT SHOW (cough). Well, Snotty McBoogerton was seized with a fit of hacking coughing about an hour into the performance. It went on so long that people in front of AND behind her offered her gum, lozenges, and candy to help out. But girlfriend didn't need their trifling palliatives. Oh no. She reached into her backpack, broke out a bottle of Robitussin DM and took a hearty swig like you or I would from a flask. Ah...all better. I kid you not--I put my head down (looking very prayerful, I'm sure)--and shook with silent giggles. Fucking hilarious.

The other sight was Our Lord and Savior pictured up there in all his "I WILL FUCK YOUR SINNING SHIT UP, AMEN" glory. I kept staring at him all through the evening because 1. brother is *ripped*. I can think of linebackers that would kill for those pecs and 2. does he not look turbo disgruntled? He's got his pimp hand up ready to bitch slap all those who persecute his people. I don't see this guy benevolently multiplying the loaves and fish, or jovially turning water into wine. But I can see him going absolutely BLOTTO against the salesmen in the temple. This god IS a terrifying and awesome god. No hippie Jesus avec sandals here. HELL NO.

I'm sure if you got close enough you could hear him channeling the sentiment of the evening, saying "Merry Christmas you buncha BUSTAHS!"


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home